Thoughts…
I realized yesterday that i keep a lot of people out of my life.
At arms distance if you will.
I know them in a certain setting, and that doesn’t change, and when they want to interact in another setting, I usually deny them because they must be confined to a single part of my life.
As much as I’d like to be closer to people as a whole, I want to remain a secret. “A vagrant is neither loved nor hated by anyone, and he is not around long enough to become so.” I used to live by that. Never really allowing myself to be in one place at a time. It gives me the freedom to move about as I please, but I guess it also doesn’t allow me to know a lot of people on deep personal levels, which I find is something that i actually want a lot more than I thought.
A lot of people know me, but don’t know me. I find that even some of my closest friends still have misconceptions about me, but I know it’s my fault.
It’s not a lack of trust. It’s more of a need to be free of attachment, which is contrary to my apparent desire for attachment. I’m ok alone, but I’m better with people. I’ve turned a logical standpoint into an emotional issue, and then tried to counteract it by hiding parts of myself.
It’s a strange thing to think about.
And then i realize that I do it everyday.
Someone finally put what I think into words.
